Get Laid on V-Day

It has come to my attention that some of my horny sluts aren't going to get laid on Valentine's Day.  Before we delve into the war plans, let's laugh at the history of the Day of Love.  Valentine's Day has it's own mysteries.  Some believe the tradition began with St. Valentine, marrying couples in secret.  Others point to the pagan holiday "Lupercalia" and other similar fertility traditions.  Long ago, when celebrating fertility holidays, all the young women in a village would sneak out at night to fuck like bunnies.  This is also a common way to celebrate Beltane, or May Day. 

Today, we celebrate by catering to the women in our lives.  Men buy candy, jewelry, and flowers by the truckloads in the hopes that the gates of heaven, aka her legs, will open wide and allow the men to worship there for one night.  While I enjoy a nice, raunchy romp, not all women are so easy.  Right about now, you're probably scratching your head, caveman-like, grunting and asking yourself, "how do get her to fuck me, then?"  It's a lot easier than one might think and it begins long before Valentine's Day arrives.

If you have a woman, but you aren't getting any action, she probably isn't feeling like the sexy goddess she is.  Men don't compliment women near as often as they should.  She needs to feel as if you worship her sexy body and all its imperfections, but you don't want to go over the top demonstrating your desire.  "Baby, come fuck me" only works on easy sluts like me.  Your first step is to walk up behind your woman while she's cooking dinner and slide your hands around her hips, wrapping your arms around her as you bend down to tell her how sexy her butt looks in those jeans.  Plant a sensual little kiss right her jaw, just below her ear.  If you go straight for the ear or where the neck meets the shoulders she's going to think you want to go straight to the sex. 

You don't want to dive straight into sex.  You want to kiss her, hug her, and tell her how beautiful, brilliant, patient, and amazing she is.  When you're out in public together, suddenly slip your arm around her or your hand in her back pocket.  Whisper in her ear, "the guy was checking out your butt", while pointing to a fairly attractive, slightly younger man.  If she thinks other men find her attractive, you'll boost her confidence.  Put your hands on her sensually, but not sexually often.  That means don't pinch her ass or maul her tits. Don't dive right after the goodies.  You want her to feel like a goddess, not your toy. 

While you're hugging, kissing, and complimenting your amazing woman, listen to her.  She'll probably drop hints about the restaraunt she wants to eat at or what she wants for Valentine's Day.  Cookware or other things for the house are NOT gifts.  Don't even think about it!  Instead, buy her three gifts:  something that fits her personality, but also says she is a person aside from you and your family (a book by her favorite author, the bracelet she's been eyeing for a while), something to make her laugh meaning you in one of those silly Valentine's Day thongs, and something to make her feel sexy.  If you have a woman that is very confident and comfortable in ehr own skin, go skimpy on the lingerie.  If your woman is a bit more bashful about things like this, buy her romantic lingerie that covers more of her body.  Don't be sad.  You can work your way up to the sexy, skimpy things!

Flowers are always a requirement, unless she's highly allergic.  Buy her a dozen real roses and one silk.  On the card write: "I'll love you until the last rose dies".  Since the last rose is silk, that means forever.  She'll find you romantic and brilliant.  If you can spring for dinner and a hotel, do so.  Ask the front desk to sprinkle rose petals on and around the bed.  Be sure to have champagne and strawberries waiting for you.  If you can sneak away, check into your room before you take her to dinner so you don't have to interrupt the festivities.  Leave the lingerie on the bed (in a box tied with a ribbon).  

If your Valentine's Day is going to be enjoyed at home, find somewhere to send the kids.  Cook her favorite meal or order nice take out. By take out, I don't mean burgers or pizza.  Make your bed with fresh sheets and sprinkle your own rose petals on and around the bed.

Over dinner keep the conversation light.  Remind her of funny things the two of you did together in your past.  She'll feel younger and more adventurous remembering the woman she was then.  Tell her tasteful jokes to keep her laughing.  The more a woman laughs, the more fun she'll have in bed.  Sex should never be taken too seriously.  Before you finish your dessert, excuse yourself.  Go to the bedroom and light candles, placing them around the room.  Place a bottle of Chocolate Decadence Edible Massage Oil by the bed.  

When you've finished dessert, lead her into the bedroom.  Give her the box with the lingerie inside, telling her you'll give her a massage after she slips into soemthing a little more comfortable.  When she comes out be sure to smile, lick your lips, suck in some air and tell her how amazing she looks.  Lead her to the bed, lay her down, kiss her, then warm the oil in your hands before you start stroking her body with it.  Guys, remember not to use too much oil.  She doesn't want to feel like a greased pig.  The oil should be able to be completely rubbed into her skin. 

If you don't usually give massages, pick up a book or DVD before hand.  After you've given her a bit of a massage, start following your hands with your mouth.  Begin with little kisses, then a little taste.  Work your way down to her thighs.  Kiss her thighs, lick them, but don't go straight for the treasure.  Kiss one thigh then breathe hissing a little "ahhh" as you cross over her pussy, then kiss the other thigh.  Pause in the middle, admire her pussy then move on.  Tease her, but don't go straight after it.  Once you've massaged, licked, and kissed all of her you can have your treat.  

I'm sure you can take it from there.  My last word of advice before you rush out and get read to get some is, don't try anything you haven't done before.  The point is to pleasure her and worship her while you get off.  You don't want to throw anal or anything else she hasn't tried in there.  You'll take the focus off her and you'll probably end up jacking off in the bathroom while you yell out apologies she's inevitably going to ignore.  Good luck!